Four Stars for You

I watched you brush beauty on your face as the vanity light struck gold in your eyes.

I curled my hair and stained my cheeks pink while you tentriled shades of red hair.

With you, time passed swiftly, unforgivingly. I wasn't ready.

Concocted liquids filled my veins as we laughed and swept our cheeks against the ones we love. I was enveloped with perfumed laced skin and glittery eyelids.

Red potion danced into glasses and you, well you sat next to me and crossed your legs while shadowed figures blinded me with flashes of light simply capturing time with you in a moment.

With you, time passed swiftly, unforgivingly. I wasn't ready.

Flash after flash. You smile a smile I haven't seen in awhile.

You laugh a laugh I haven't heard in awhile.

Next thing I know it's you, me and the moon- and four little stars that shined above us. Just four. I counted them.

Two wishes for you. Two wishes for me all to what seemed like wasted wishes for you... and for me.

Words of no wisdom which usually leaks from your lips spoke. Thoughts of me felt like daggards in my soul. Not my heart. My soul.

I felt like a wasted companion. As if I could never change. As if I was making you miserable.

Then you solicit a question to me. My answer was only to be taken to my grave so that in the Heavens... it would no longer be.

He raised his voice and denied my truth. Not looking into the eyes of the one he loves but instead dialated glares of how dare you and how could you and... I told you never to tell. My mind is now free. I drowned in this secret. No air this time.

Or else.

Your hands hovered your teary cheeks. Tracks of pink and black free fall down to your broken heart. I touch your hand and you pull away as if I am diseased with deceit. My voice failed me as I struggled for answers. My fingers intertwined not able to put you back together. Truth lies under the reason I didn't speak the truth. A truth you might not ever believe. You won't believe. You won't want to believe.

Six years ago,

Tiny hands grasp my index finger as we walk together. Little toes wiggle as I paint them pretty. Snow globes shaken and tiny bodies tucked in tightly. Voices in the background singing. Little voices. Love from my girls, intertwined and overrun. Sing me to sleep and rock me good morning say lovies as the sun retires and awakens. Stick figures on my wall and cinnamon sugar across my floor lets me know that two love bugs have infested my soul with love and light. Scraped up knees and ouchies made me smile because..... I could fix them. Tiny lips on my cheeks and many attempts to count my freckles enlightened me.

Like love enlightens you.

This is the reason I wanted to die with this secret. Or else I would never see them again. Isn't that Right?

I listened as your voice reached high octives. Your hands flailing and your cries had become weeping. You let me hold your hand. I needed you to breathe. Thoughts of how you felt about me still stinging.

I removed myself from your side and when I returned.. you were gone. I kissed your girls goodbye and told them that I loved them. A dramatic exit from their sight. They didn't know. I gave them my unwrapped gum. I closed your front door as they jumped on the couch, carefree and lovely.

The street was black and the four stars that I counted were gone. Did you take them with you? Four wishes for you.

Vinegar- One ingredient I shall never use in my cupcakes. Then again, one less ingredient makes for one good cupcake.

Samson My Love

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth I have to go, your hair was long when we first met. You went back to bed with not much hair left on your head. You ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed. History books forgot about us and the Bible didn't mention us...

Didn't mention us, not even once..

You are my sweetest downfall

I loved you first, I loved you first..

Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads but they're just old light,
Your hair was long when we first met. You came to my bed and
told me that my hair was red. You told me I was beautiful and came into my bed. I cut your hair myself one night- a pair of dull scissors in the yellow light and you told me that I'd done alright and kissed me 'til the mornin' light.... you kissed me 'til the mornin' light

And so my Samson went back to bed, not much hair left on his head. He ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed. We couldn't bring the columns down, we couldn't destroy a single one. History books forgot about us and ...

the Bible didn't mention us, not even once.....

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first <3

My Classroom Became Silent

Rain dripped patterns of heartbreak on my window as I packed up my classroom. What was once covered in colorful successes and messy imagination now whispers a still voice. One by one my students embrace me, looking up at me. I kneel down so that I may look each of them in the eye so that I may tell them how I much I love them. How proud I am. How amazing they are. How they inspire me. Inspire me.

There were two parents who spoke words of wisdom as they helped me tape my boxes. Just two. Thats all I needed. Belongings that were used to teach became buried in a brown box with printed pictures of styrofoam cups. Precious belongings that my children learned from, loved and touched disappeared as I struggled with the folds, taping them shut. I could hear the voices of my children as I stuffed their artwork with handprints, crooked flowers and letters to me. Emergent writing makes me smile.

I clean each desk wishing I didn't have to wipe away the marker scuffs and I heart Just Beibers. Their name tags were weary and scribbled on. I find little treasure box toys and light up pencils in their desks. Things they won't want next year. They won't need next year. Only in my class. Just in my class. Their scissors were dull and their erasers gone from correcting their sweet mistakes. I loved their mistakes. I loved when they corrected their mistakes.. without my help.

I stacked their little chairs which once held their little bodies. They grew out of those little chairs. They aren't so little anymore. I sweep the floors which were once covered in dusty footprints and tape residue which had to be torn from the floor and re-adjusted everytime they had a growth spurt. I delete picture albums from my computer and I erase anything that may be confidential. I use Mr. Eraser, Clorox wipes and bleach but nothing can erase the beautiful mess my kids left behind. Memories.

Leggo's, manipulatives and science center toys are found behind large cabinets and tables. They were looking for those. Our hampster spins her wheel frantically knowing that a new home awaits her where she will finally be free of the crazy volume that would shake walls and break glass. I like that kind of volume. From them.

I empty drawers and dispose of empty pens and dry sharpies. I collect each push pin that humbly held hundreds of worksheets, accomplishments and decorated construction paper. Staples become stubborn as they refuse to let go of walls that colored the classroom with vibrant colors, shapes and motivational quotes. I dust my desk one last time and tape up the last few boxes. I sit in my squeaky leather chair and take a look around. For once, my classroom is quiet. Too quiet. Not so beautiful.

The principal walks in holding a stack of stapled papers in his hands. I click my pen and prepare to sign what every teacher fears. He presents these papers on my desk and pulls up a chair. " This is for the best. I didn't want to do it. I'm sorry" I read the fine print and sign my first middle and last name on the dotted line. He doesn't say anything to me. Instead he stops and looks at my boxes and takes one look around the room. I felt like a grain of rice in that big classroom. He smiled and walked out. I took a minute to reflect on all the goodness that happened in that room. The sweet smell of learning. The magic that happened in front of my eyes. The love of a child. The way I changed lives.

I finished loading my truck with each box with a strip of black tape. I leave my keys on my desk and turn off the lights. I take one more look. They say your not supposed to look back. I had to. I closed the door and kept my hand on the handle. A teacher walked by me and asked why I wasn't returning. I looked at her and said..........


Budget cuts my friend. Budget cuts.


If you think cupcakes are sweet... Try teaching. :)

You.

      Hi you,

   


     I can't write for awhile. My heart and soul has nothing to say right now. I'll be back.



follow me.

Rain

Rain finally sends its showered blessings from the heavens. Raindrops beat on my windows, the sun sleeps. Clouds shaped like contorted figures skate across darkness with a desire to find some sort of illumination. They won't find it. Not today.

Thunder rolls chords of intensity. It is sure to cover every fiber of the galaxy. Lightening bestows a silent film as the sky flickers with light. I stare up into the heavens and imagine millions of fireflies sending signals of their love for each other. Electrifying. Magnatizing. Beautiful.
I stand in my classroom, soaked. Drenched. Somewhere out there, children are leaping into puddles and..... two people in love are dancing in the rain.

It's a good book and a cupcake kind of day.

Tonight, Not Again

  The night                            


                                 You brushed your hands upon my flushed cheek
                              Smelled of childhood remnants of a dusty weeping willow
                                 Clouds soothe, Shredded by the calico
                                Were so vast and quick as I was on my own now.

                This time like every other time I believe that I never find
                    Another sweet girl with sequined sea foam eyes
            Ocean lapping voice smile coy as the brightest quiet span of sky
              And I'm all alone again tonight not again, not again, not again.

                And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice. Lovely.

                               Still I'm unable to inhale all the riches
                             As I'm awkward as a wound on my bones
                  Still I've got cobblestone joints and plate glass points
                        As I'm all by myself tonight not again not againe

                            Well if you should nervously break down
                       When its time for the shakedown would you take it?
        It's when you cry just a little but you laugh in the middle
                    And don't it feel allright. and don't it feel so nice.
Lovely.

Say it again. Lovely. So lovely. to do it again
Again. Loving again. It's coming again.

Lovely.

Yours truly,
   Jason M.

First Dates

First dates- in other words, an interview.  We dress to impress and stuff our breathing orifices with sticks of minty gums and spearamint hard candies.  We brush our cheeks with pink tones and stroke our lips a fancy tint.  We lush our lashes so that you see the depths of color in our eyes.  Our hair is straitened, curled, crimped and intertwined just right. We hang our clothes to prevent any kind of wrinkle.  Our shoes are lined up according to which ones will match better and which ones will show off our fabulous gabs. 
      We run late as usual.  Nora Jones plays in the background as we scrummage through our aphrodiciacs.  We sprits our skin with sweet poison, a scent that will flirt with your senses.  Scents that will cause your brain to want to ask questions that you probably shouldn't be asking.  We calm our nerves with a glass of wine and we giggle as the butterflies flutter in our stomachs. We change five times and do our best to respond to incoming texts from our overly excited, nosey girlfriends.  Mirrors laugh as we rehearse how we are going to greet you. 
     " So good to see you"
    " How are you tonight, good to see you"
     " I've missed you, good to see you"
      " Hey there!!  I'm obsessed with your teeth".......     okay no.
     We do some last minute cleaning up and apply our last dab of chicka cherry lipgloss.  We hang up our damp towels that once embraced our wet hair as we prepared our beautiful faces.  Deodorant becomes an important component to staying fresh under dior circumstances-  first dates!!  We lather lotions and give prettyness one last look.  Deep breaths and sucked in guts make our way downstairs to prepare our clutches. 
    Identification- check
    Money- shouldn't need it ( hehe) but.. check
   Lip gloss- double check
   Mase- check  (haha)
   Gum- check
    Roadside assistance in case he gets a flat - check (haha)
      We carefully get in our vehicles and turn on the AC to prevent any kind of perspirations.  We find the best music to rid our nervousness.  We continuously look at ourselves in the rear view mirror to check for signs of  unevenness or loose mascara resting under our eyes. 
     We arrive at our destination and we hope that you don't see us pull up.  This way we can do any last minute adjustments- wedgies, hair fly aways, leggins twisted, bra's inside out. Haha. We grasp our clutches and hope that you are as nervous as we are.  We see your vehicle parked in the front.  More deep breaths occur as we open the door. 
   Then..
     There you are.  Smiling.  Sweating alittle.  Hands in your pockets.  Wearing your cargo shorts and a polo shirt- untucked and wrinkled a bit.  Crocs slipped over your big feet.  Your tattoo peeking under your sleeves.  Your hair is spiked and ...
              ...  you smell so good.

First date desserts- cupcakes :)