We all do it... or do we all?
Today's generation has awakened the world of communication through cell phones, e-mail, and social networks. When it comes to dating, we have discovered avenues of convienent communication. That's right. Text messaging. Wikipedias definition of text messaging is this : The exchange of brief written messages between fixed-line phone or mobile phone and fixed or portable devices over a network. Our definition might be: The simple, easy way to say hello without speaking over someone, being disconnected, repeating ones self and filling long pauses with inappropriate laughter. No?
The dating world is dangerously, intensely, fiercely interesting. We keep our phones close to our bodies and our inboxes clear of anything that might interfere with a message from our knights and damsels. God forbid your cell phone be set to vibrate. A strange occurance of phantom vibrations excite us for a moment, until realizing it was nothing. Nobody. Just a screen with today's date and time. We experince selective hearing-as if every phone that rings, beeps, chirps or plays a funky fresh Vanilla Ice song has to be, must be, should be ours.
I have a friend that I have known since college. She sat next to me in my Learn, Play and Creativity class. She had me at " I'm going to Sonic, want a Dr. Pepper?" She's a brown-eyed, cuss like a sailor, skeet shootin, deer huntin, coyote skinnin, belt buckle wearin cowgirl that would bring Billy the Kid to his knees. Last Saturday, I had the pleasure of spending the day with my long lost friend. We both became teachers shortly after we graduated college. We went our seperate ways and we lost touch for about a year. However, when we both understood how to navigate Facebook, we were virtually and happily reunited.
We began our "girls day" adventure devouring thick, mouthwatering, drool inducing juicy cheeseburgers. Yes, drool inducing. Yes, juicy. We had good discussion, swapping classroom horror stories and boasting about our student's accomplishments and accolades. However, we seemed to be interrupted by her touch screen companion. No, it wasn't ringing or buzzing or vibrating or.. even lighting up. Stroking her finger across the screen lead her to "no new message" and "no new calls" boulevard.
I couldn't help notice how many times she was checking her phone. My phone was buried deep down in the abyss of my purse, accidently turned off by my lipgloss case or was probably being punctured by my fifty "Teachers Change Lives" pens. I already knew. She was seeing someone. This "someone" hadn't been brought up yet. So, I did the inexorable. I asked her who "he" was. She looked at me with a confused, I totally don't want to talk about it kind of look. She shook her head and said it was nobody.
Yeah. Right.
After twisting her arm to dish me the juice, she went on to tell me about a guy she has been talking to. She met him a few weeks back and after two dates, his communication skills have, well, not been so hot. Mind you, she was still checking her phone as she leaked her soul about this Mr. Nobody that meant something to somebody-her. After listening to her woes about him not calling or texting, I responded with what I thought any other friend would say " so, why don't you text him??". I thought her ranch dressing was going to boil over from her reaction. " I'm not texting him. Nooo way. I will seem desperate and needy. Nope. No.
I listened to her go on and on about how we are not to chase men. No matter how bad we wanted to hear their voices, we must be strong and hold out for the first text or phone call of the day. She blurted out theories, quotes from books and her own philosophy about men and their relationship skills. I sat there, sipping my Boston Iced Tea and wishing I had a fresh side of sour cream for my potato skins.
I was listening and cringing at the thought that some women think we shouldn't have a voice in the dating world, that we should sit back and wait for the man to make the first move, to say the first words and to decide when it's best to talk. I was hoping she wouldn't ask for my opinion. Then it happened. Taking the last bite of her burger and wiping her fingers with a wetnap she asked: "Well, tell me what you think. Whats your advice?"
Deep breath.
This reminded me of a Sex and the City episode where Carrie said "When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate of psycho." Good thing Carrie was a woman who threw that theory out the window once she met Mr. Big. Taking risks is like walking on eggshells in the dating world. A few years back I read this book called "The Rules". I believed it. I stuck to the rules when I was dating. However, I realized that I have been betrayed by the philosophy of another woman who believed dating is just a game to be played only by women, where the men start off with a losing streak, having to work their way up to a win, meaning, our hearts. Although I believed she may have had good intensions in some areas, I wanted to call. I wanted to text. I wanted to set up dates and see the persone I was dating. I wanted a voice.
I say screw the rules. Call him, text him, let him know your still there and your on the prowl. If he doesn't respond, don't go running to your "He's Just Not That In To You" book and find the reason of this tragedy that best "fits" you. There's nothing wrong with YOU. Snap on your batgirl belt with new tools and a fresh coat of lipgloss and move on. She asked me today why men are idiots. I thought for a moment, and giggled to myself. I don't believe men are idiots, or dogs, or from mars. Men are amazing creatures. However, they have been known to lack in the love factory. But so have we. Our problem is, we might be spending our time worrying too much about whose has what role in the relationship.
All of these thoughts consume us that we forget to love at all. We all like to think we are in control when dating. It's okay to be in control as long as we are not abusing it. Lets be real for a minute, sures ome men like a chase and some men like to be chased. To each their own right? If your into that kind of dating. As women stop wasting their valuable, beautiful time with "the rules" and dirty games, men are still in the background waiting for a text, waiting for a next move. Did we ever stop to think that maybe men feel the same way? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not giving men all the credit. However, we have to be fair. Sure, some men are just plain jerks but, feed them to the wolves- a pack of women who follow "the rules", where love is nowhere to be found.
When we step it up a notch, men take to it. A women's intiminations and ndependence are thriving in the dating world today. Woman are the recipe of love, men are yummy ingredients. Have a voice. It's beautiful.
Be a lioness.... and eat a cupcake :)
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