Out of the Mouths of Babes III

They say the funniest things.  My students.  Whom I adore.

-  Oh nooooo, it's the end of the worrrrrld!!! Oh well, guess I don't have to my homework.
 -  Can we watch Family Guy instead of having circle time?
- Um, I have a headache.  Ms. T, can you push me down and yell " YOUR HEALED" like that sweaty guy on TV does?
- My fingers smell like fruitloops.
-  :singing:  I'm gonna catch little butterfly and... and.. :: evil voice:: PUT IT IN A BOX... and.. and.... pet it.
-  Look, the clouds are crying again.  Geeze, what a bunch of cry babies
-  I didn't sleep good last night because you worked my brain too hard.
-  But if I apologize, then I will look like the weak one.  My dad says the first person who says sorry first has no balls.
-  I snore because I'm black
-  I lost two teeth last night.  The toothfairy must be broke because she only left me fifty cents.
- Ms T, I can totally rhyme the word sit :  hit, lit bit, fit, shit...  oh shit I said shit.   Shit.  Am I in trouble?
-  I totally just Chris Brown'd him in bingo
-  I love you Ms T.  Your like, butter to my biscuit, a really fluffy one from Cracker Barrel.

Kids and cupcakes- thats all you need :)

3 sugars, not 2

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish I was your favourite smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you'd always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

Number Six

   I have always wondered what it would be like to have a five minute date with twenty two random men in one night.  I couldn't see how it was possible getting to know somebody in less than five minutes.  I couln't see how it was possible to not fine one thing interesting in twenty two men.
  
   My colleague begged me for weeks to register for a speed dating night here in Austin.  Speed dating?? Like, how they do it in the movies? Don't they usually end up going terrible wrong? After two weeks of sending me constant reminders and pokes through our school e-mail, I finally caved and agreed to try it " just this once".  I mean, how bad can it be? 
 
     I took some time to review the website.  I had to pay 35 dollars to register and get my number.  However, there was only one problem, registration for men was free.  What? Isn't it usally the other way around?  This instantly gave me a bad vibe about the whole " speed dating" thing.  My friend was super excited and wouldn't stop talking about it.  I, on the other hand, was 35 dollars short with nothing to wear. 

   The day approached me way to fast.  All these days I was thinking horribly very bad no good thoughts about this event and I found myself.......nervous.  Butterflies swarmed my tummy and I spent the majority of my lunch break pondering on this one very important question:  flip flops.... or heels?  I took my lean cuisine and decided to see how my colleague was feeling about this silliness that was about to occur.  I enter her room to find her sitting in front of her computer, trying to back out.  WHAT?  Oh.. hell...no.   She did not spend weeks persuading me into this mess and here she is trying to get her money back?  So, it was my turn to persuade.  Well, actually it was more like a threat.  It worked.

     I went home and stood in my closet for about ten minutes.  My pup sat next to me as if she was going too.  I was asking her what she thinks I should wear, as if she was going to answer me.  Is this what dating does to you?  Talking to a dog that probably won't respond.  Oh, I use "probably" because I swear Loela understands me and will one day respond to me. Ha.  I pull out some "skinny" jeans and a tank top.  I imagined myself tumbling across the lounge in my high heels so I decide to wear my flip flops.  Besides, what if I need to make a run for it?

     I painted my face pretty and gave my chocolate brown locks a curl.  The butterflies went from fluttering to strait up disco dancing.  Loela rested on my bed and watched me get ready.  I was wanting to feel content like her.  Thirty five dollars?  Goodness.  This better be ONE hell of a speed date.  I glossed my kisser with my notorious chicka cherry glistener.  I took one look at myself and took a deep breath.  This should be interesting!  I put all my girly necessities in my clutch and made my way downstairs.  Kissed Loela goodbye and told her to wish me luck.  I think I might have heard her actually say it.  Haha.

    Driving to the lounge seemed long.  I don't know how I could have went from not caring  about this event to being extrememly nervous.  I felt like I was going up to bat in the 8th inning with two strikes and twenty to single successful men were watching, with their score sheets and mini pencils.  Sign in was at 8:00 sharp.  I was able to talk this guy whose parking lot was full to squeeze my truck somewhere close so I didn't have to walk and get all winded and stuff.  I mean, they don't call them skinny jeans for nothing.  The longer I stay stuffed in them, the more I can't breathe.  Hmm, note to self: no more skinny jeans if... I'm not skinny?

    I walk in the lounge to find my friend sipping on a Jack and Coke.  Noone had a name tag on so I didn't know if the guys sitting next to me was a speed dater.  We sat and chatted for about thirty minutes until we were called to circle up and get our numbers.  That's right, we weren't going to be known for our names, but for our numbers.  Like prison?  Ugh, here we go.  I signed in with a bright red pen, signing my life away on the dotted line that said " we are not responsible for any accidents or tragedies that may occur if you choose to date your match"  Wait... did they do a background check on these guys?  I mean, they didn't have to pay. Ugh.  Give me my number already. 

     I made sure that while everybody was sticking post-its with their numbers on it that I didn't take a second to look around.  I didn't want to see who I was going to be dating.  Perhaps I feared I wouldn't find anyone attractive and my whole "speed dating" experience would go to shit before it even began.   We were told to find our tables with our numbers on it and sit down.  It was like a herd of pretty cattle roaming around trying to find a place to graze.  Candles illuminated the room and they had Adele singing in the background.  I like Adele.  I like candles.  Don't smell the candle, Megan.. don't.. smell the candle. 

    I found my number waiting for me on this little square table in the corner of the lounge.  It was the perfect little nook to be in during an event such as this.  My back was not facing anybody and I had a clear view of everybody.  At least I was going to have a good idea of who was about to come to my table.  I ran my fingers through my hair and applied another dab of lip gloss.  I really wanted to spritz my new perfume on but I didn't want to be sitting in a cloud of smell good. 

     The rules were simple.  Men rotate and women stay seated.  I mean come on, if they were free why should they stay seated?  Lets make them work  alittle here!!   We had three to eight minutes to talk to each dater and when we heard the bell, the men would rotate to the next table.  Easy enough.  DING!!!!!!   Wait, I wasn't ready.

      The first dater approached my table and introduced himself as Rufis.  Like, the dog in Aristocrats?   No, I didn't say that aloud but I did find myself thinking that.  Then I thought to myself, are we allowed to give fake names? Oh stop it Megan, maybe that was is real name.  Have some confidence.  I suddenly felt like I was in a job interview except this time I was interviewing for a chance to find "the one".  I will be the one asking the questions tonight.  We began talking about our interests and what we do for a living.  He was an franchise attorney and loved the show How I Met Your Mother.  Handome.  I would like to get to .....DING.....

     The next guy that approached my table was a dentist from Killeen.  With teeth so white, they almost looked blue.  Cute but not my type.  DING.. The next few guys gave me some good conversation and a couple of laughs here and there.  I even met a guy who lives in the same apartment complex as I do.  Freaky.  I didn't mention I lived there too.  Just in case.  Not to mention I did sign my life away and and kissed my rights away to get justice if I am hurt in any way possible.  The night was going great.  Even though I hadn't found any matches, I was really enjoying getting to know different people.  I had a good glass of wine and five to eight minutes of good company from some interesting people.  DING... DING........DING......

     I sat there wondering if I was going to find a match any time soon.  I sipped my wine and responding to my friends morse code that she was sending me with the clicks of her pen.  One click : NO WAY, two clicks: A match.  I had alot of one clicks.  As I was recording their information on this little chart, I hear this deep voice telling me his name.  A hand slips under my face as if he was trying to get my attention.  It was so hairy and his nails were filthy.  I shook his hand as gently as I could trying NOT to get whatever was on the palm of his hands onto mine.  I looked up and to my horror sat a man who resembled the BTK killer.  If you are not familiar with the BTK killer, please google now.  He was a notorious murderer in the 1970's and after a 30 year break, came back to kill again in the early 2000's.  He had the same glasses, the same eyes and the same facial features.  OMG... he looks like the BTK killer.  Don't stare. Concentrate. Ask him questions.  Ask... ask. now. Stop staring.

     I knew that he probably wasn't anything like the BTK killer.  However, my woman radar went off like crazy.  Maybe it's because I just saw a documentary on the BTK killer a week before the speed date.  He went on to tell me that he works in a lumber yard and rides his motorcycle cross country as a habit.  I know this man is not a match so, why did the lady let this round go on for eight minutes? Awkard silence overcame the table. The flame to my candle flickered as if it was laughing at me.   "So...tell me about yours"....   DINNNNG!!!    Oh thank goodness.
  
"LAST ROUND.. THIS IS THE LAST..ROUND". 

  A part of me wanted to shout out for joy, yet,  the other half was disappointed that out of twenty two men, I did not mark one single "yes" on my match sheet.  I'm not that picky anymore.  However, It was like one big melting pot, filled with testosterone and smell goods.  Many glossy lips left not so glossy.  A few people stayed after to see if they can catch any leftover  prey before walking into the darkness of their single lives.  When you have loved before, it is hard to find someone who can one up that person. 

   I will totally speed date again.  It was interesting and it sure was fun seeing just how different alot of men really are.

 When I was walking out of the lounge and saw all the empty tables and bartender blowing out all the candles that so beautifully lit up the faces of men searching for love, I thought of a part from this song that fit so perfectfully with this puzzle of love.

 So long my luckless romance, my back is turned to you. Should have known you'd bring me heartbreak. Almost lovers always do.

How to make speed dating just a little more sweeter?     Cupcakes :P 
Picture courtesy of Google pics

Green Gumdrops

It was a windy day  in Texas today.  The kind of wind that kiss my cheeks, painting them a rosy residue.  The kind of wind that gently curls the little wisps of hair that refuse to fit into my ponytail.  The kind of wind that passes through my olfactory neurons and swirled up in my cerebrum generously giving me the sweet smell of mint.  I don't smell the  mint often, so when I do, it takes me to a time in my childhood that will forever bring joy to my soul. 
      I was seven years old when I visited my great grandmas house in Ohio.  A small town named after a Revoluntionary War hero.  When I say a small town, I mean one bank, a couple of schools, a grocery store and this little restaruant called Pauls Dine In.  Pauls was one of my favorite places to eat.  They had this sausage cheese burger that made glutony an understatement. 
   My great grandmas name was Golda.  Her hair was a vintage cut, curly like wind blown ivory lillies.  Freckles covered her shoulders, as if someone sprinkled brown sugar on them.  Lips a ruby stain.  She was my grandmothers mother.   
     She lived in a tiny house with a crickity screen door that she would leave open so she could hear me play outside.  I could never get that screen door to shut.  She had this special trick to close it.  The furniture in her house was little.  A little couch.  Two little chairs.  One little TV.  The kitchen table that once sat in her dining room now sits in my mothers house, neatly polished.  She had an old fashioned phone, cream colored that hung on the wall in the dining room.  You know, the kind where you had to put your finger in that little spinner thing and spin each number?  Yeah, that kind.  She had a big back yard, filled with flowers of every color and smell.  Sometimes I would find her planting in her garden, lost in flowery lyrics-her head draped in a red sun hat.   
    There are many memories I have of my great grandmother.  However, one just really seems to stick out the most.
    It was a warm summer morning when I awoke in the back bedroom of her house.  A queen sized rod iron bed that caved in at the middle bid me good morrow as I pulled myself to sit up.  My New Kids on the Block pajamas were wrinkled  from the late night tossing and turning, not too mention they were getting a little too small.  I don't remember going to sleep in that bed.  I must have snuck in during the night.  I remember being scared of going to bed alone in that back bedroom.  I had a little twin size bed that I was tucked into every night but I was haunted by the dark closet with no door.  My mind would play tricks on my eyes and I would sneak in the back bedroom where my grandmother slept.  There was something about snuggling next to Sandra Ann that made everything scary disappear.  Her perfume was my lullaby.
      I planted my feet onto the cold old-fashioned hardwood floors.  I stretched and admired the sun light that was shining in on me.  I breathed in the sweetness that settled in that house.  I could hear faint conversations in the kitchen and dishes being clanked together.  I could smell coffee brewing and the morning paper was being read as the comics were being shuffled around.  I walked down the long hallway and brushed my fingertips over the picture frames of old family members I never knew. 
    A picture of my mother hung slanted.  I loved how I looked like her. 
    I made my way into the livingroom and saw my neighborhood friends playing on their kick and go's outside.  If your not familiar with a kick and go, it's a little scooter with a pump on the back of it.  That is how you built speed.  My kick and go was in the basement.  Scary basement.  Where the washing machine rumbled and shook and where the coat hanger looked like a person looming in the shadows.  My grandma must have heard me shuffling around because she shouted out a " good morning sugar".  I made my way into the kitchen anticipating my morning hugs and kisses.  My greatgrandmother would hold me and rock me to a silly song. 
    I remember going into her kitchen when a minty aroma embraced me.  I loved it.  I didn't know where it was coming from.  It was so fresh, so spicy so... so.. MINTY!!!  My curiosity spilled the beans that I was on the hunt for something sweet.  My grandma opened her cabinet and pulled out a bag of green gumdrops-minty.  They were these little green chewy candies showered with sparkly sugar and awesomeness.  They made her house smell like a minty wonderland.  They became my favorite thing to eat when I would visit.  Perhaps it's because it triggered memories of that morning.  I wanted each visit to be the same.  I sure loved that house.  I sure loved them. 
 I sure do love when the wind blows just right- because I think of something beautiful.

I Wish I Could

Dear angry parent,

 I can't part the rolling tides of the ocean.
                             I wish I could.
I can't hang the moon slightly more to the left.
                                I wish I could.
I can't tell the sun to chill out.
                                I wish I could.
I can't give each star that shines a name.
                                I wish I could.
I can't find the end of a rainbow
                               I wish I could.
I can't make the wind speak each time it blows.
                                I wish I could.
I can't spin planet earth on my finger tips to pass the time, when time gets tough.
                                  I wish I could
I can't make the rain wash your sorrows away.
                                 I wish I could.
I can't drive into the sunset.. literally.
                                 I wish I could.
I can't find the cow that jumped over the moon.
                                I wish I could.
I can't see through rose colored glasses.
                               I wish I could
I can't make the sound of silence .. be silent.
                               I wish I could.
I can't help not to giggle when you lie so bad you start to shake.
                              I wish I could.
I can teach and I can love.
But I can't change the world.

                                I wish I could.


The truth and a cupcake will set you free :)

And the World Turned

He was her almost lover.

 

Girl stood on the rocks with the water at her feet
the sun on her skin and a tear on her cheek
With her hand on her chest and the wind in her hair
Underneath her breath like a beggar's prayer ..

she said

I miss you, come back to me
I wish you'd come back to me

But nobody heard
And the world turned and the world turned and the world turned

And thats when the girl reached in her pocket
pulled out a silver heart-shaped locket
Opened it up and stared for a while at her faded boy
with a lazy smile

I miss you, come back to me
I wish you'd come back to me

But nobody heard
And the world turned and the world turned and the world turned

 she tossed the locket
In the cool, blue, water

That night in her bed, she let herself weep
She let herself cry herself to sleep
And there in a dream somewhere in the night
Saw the boy and the locket by the riverside, saying

I miss you, come back to me
I wish you'd come back to me

But nobody heard
And the world turned and the world turned and the world turned

- Gabe Dixon Band

Howl at the Moon

  Except.... there was no moon.

   I have finally potty trained my dog.  After one year, three hundred potty pads and four bottles of carpet cleaners, I have my dog on a scheduled bathroom routine.  First walk begins at 6:00am.  It took me a whole year to fight the temptations of my snuggly bed to get my lazy ass up and walk my dog before work.  Even my dog would rather settle for the potty pad instead of having to stretch her way from the warm abiss of my comfortor.  This is the time she chooses to take the longest to do her business.  She gets so distracted by smells and different noises.  Right when she is about to assume the potty position, a leaf will fall from a tree or a bird will chirp and there she goes chasing after it. Ugh.
  
   The day had finished and it was about 7:45pm.  The sun had just finished bestowing it's pink and purple colors on the rolling hills of where I live.  I took my dog to the usual spot where she likes to roam and run free.  After being in the house all day, I imagine wanting to do the same thing.  It was dark.  I stood there, in my snuggly PJ's and flip flops in hopes of a successful potty routine but instead I found myself frozen, unable to move and fearing for... my dogs life. 

 Usually my dog isn't quiet during our walks or potty breaks.  She likes to dig, scratch at the grass and yelp with joy. I happened to have my eyes fixed on this woman who was smoking three cigarettes at one time on her patio.  I wasn't paying attention to my dog because I was in total shock of how this woman was relieving her stress.  Three cigs? Really?  I snapped out of my disgust when I realized I couldn't hear my dog.  I turned to see her sitting at the bottom of the hill, sitting up strait, ears up and tail wagging.  She was faintly growling and slightly wining.  I thought maybe she had seen a rabbit or some kind of bug until my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I felt my heart drop to my toes.  Sweat flooded my hands.  There stood a black coyote.  Its tail was low and it had slowly lowered its body in the pounce position.  I could see the green in its eyes from the reflections. It wasn't looking at me.  It was looking at my dog.

  All my energy had left my body.  I had no voice to call for my dog.  Snippets of scenarios played through my head like a slideshow.  The coyote was concentrating on my dog, carefully studying her.  I could hear it begin to growl.  Usually my dog will see another dog or animal and make a run for it.  She is super friendly and loves attention.  She has no idea what fear is.  I was waiting for her to jump at it as if she wanted to let it know she wanted to play.  Her tail was still wagging.  However, she wasn't moving.  She wouldn't move.  I softly snapped my fingers in hopes to get her attention.  She wouldn't look at me.  They were playing the staring game.  It was almost as if my dog was saying " I dare you" to this hideous creature lurking in the bushes.

 I jingled her leash lightly and it seemed to get her attention.  She looked at me and then stood up.  Then the coyote stood up.  I knew this was it.  It was either going to be my dog, or me.  I stood there in total shock thinking of ways to get rid of this coyote.  I thought about all the shows I have seen about suriving wild animal attacks- pfft yeah, all that went out the window real fast.  Once fear sinks in to your blood, it pretty much takes over.  I was alone out there.  If I screamed, I would only scare it and then we would both be dinner.  All I could do was watch.  I was begging God to get this animal away from us. 

 There was a wrestling in the bushes a few minutes after the stare down.  I thought it was a pack of them, coming to finish us.  Thankfully, it was a small dear coming out for a little salt lick.  My dog saw the deer and made a run for it.  The only thing I could do was scream NO, NO.   I immediately looked over at the coyote and it was gone.  The deer must have scared it away.  Either that or it was coming for the deer later for ruining a perfect dinner.  I ran over to my dog, scooped her up and took her inside.  A phone call to my mother and few glasses of wine later I was feeling better.  What seemed like an hour was only about two minutes.  Fear has no time. I do believe I had my angels there with me that night.  I We were protected and I'm thankful.  Some people aren't so lucky.

Since then, we have found a safe place for us to run wild and free.  I also carry a really big, sharpened stick.  Will I know what to do with it if we are face to face with a wild animal again? Probable not.  You never know.
Words of wisdom- never let a person smoking three cigarettes at one time distract you from a seriously dangerous situation!!!