Bad Luck- You Can Suck It

    

     No no you dirty minded readers.  I'm talking about bad luck.  Walking under a ladder kind of bad luck.  Breaking a mirror bad luck.  Opening an umbrella inside kind of bad luck.  Salt spilling on the table kind of bad luck. Seeing an owl in the daylight kind of bad luck.  Stepping on a crack breaking your mama's back bad luck.  Your first kiss on Friday the 13th bad luck.  Killing a sparrow bad luck.  Yes, killing a sparrow. The bad luck I have had today couldn't have been more rile.

Alarm clock goes off 25 minutes late.  How does that even happen?

Shower rod falls off the fall.  Leaving me vunerable, cold and exposed.  With my dog staring at me at the door.

Shampoo gets in my eyes and I go to work bloodshot.

Was asked if I had been drinking by a colleague.  I replied, ' no, I got shampoo in my eyes'.
Realized my skinny jeans are still in the washer.  Wet.
Got all the way down my driveway and realized I forgot to shut the garage door.
Turned around and found my dog sitting in my yard.  She got out the doggy door.  Then she got out the gate.  Because I forgot to lock the gate.  Again.
My dog decided to play chase at 7 o'clock in the morning.  I'm already late for work.  Wearing leggins and heels. 
While chasing my dog I hear a snap.  Shit.  My brastrap just broke.
Driving to work I noticed my gages were going crazy.  Shit.  Really?
I dropped my delicious sweet tea.  Inside my truck.  All over my floor board.
I locked my keys in my truck arriving at school.
I just switched my insurance to where I cancelled Roadside Assistance.
I forgot it was one of my student's birthday today.  I never forget.  Never.
The copier got a paper jam as I was printing out tomorrow's lesson. 
Then it jammed again after I fixed it the first time.
I never got that lesson finished.
The basketball team was late to practice.  Then pulled out of practice for tutoring. Noone e-mailed me... or coach Mendoza.
Our first game is in two weeks.  And they all need tutoring.
Three of my student's sneezed on me today.  Three.
My ex boyfriend got married yesterday. Not that it bothers me.  I'm happy for him.
I forgot to take my kids to music today because I was too busy fixing the copy machine.
I had a headache from the hills of terror.
I had cramps that would make a woman in labor jealous.
I was pumping gas when three guys jumped in the back of my truck asking for work. " we work we work".  I thought that was the end of me. 
I walked in my house to find my flip flops, headband and lipgloss eatin.
I had the hiccups that lasted an hour.  Who does that happen to?? Me, of course.
My dryer lint tray spit out all the lint while I was at work.  It was as if washer and dryer were having a party.
My doorbell rang and by the time I got downstairs and answer the door, they were gone. Who waits one minute for someone to answer the door? Doesn't anyone have patience anymore?
I watched a horrible, terrible no good spoof of Twilight called "Vampires Suck".  It sucked.
So, suck it.  Bad luck.  You mean vengeance machine.

Cupcakes don't suck.

Passion

 I keep getting asked the question " what are you passionate about"? I don't understand why people continue to ask me this question.  It seems to come up in most conversations I have with them. So, my new Salon friends, I will create a list of I'm passionate about.  Enjoy.

God
Family
really fluffy clouds
loela (my pup)
sleeping in
snuggling
the way my mouth foams with my new state of the art toothpaste
love
holding hands
kissing
hugging
eskimo kisses
text messaging
listening to my messages
the way my mom smells
the way my dad laughs
my nieces
their "i'm too good for you now" attitudes
my students
the way they learn
the way they cut
the way they write
the way they say they love me
the way they love each other
the way they tell funny jokes
rain
snow
sleet
showers
rainbows
snowmen
louis vuitton
lips gloss
of all flavors
mascara
blush
strait teeth
men who smell good
writing
writing stories
smiling
lauging
my sectional couch that I have't broke in yet
my door that has three deadbolt locks
my garage door that never gets stuck
my neighbor who always parks behind my garage for some stupid reason
cool breezes
uggs
flip flops
education
did I say kissing??
your eyes
my first love
I was 18
the year I turned 18
my best friend
the way loela greets me at the door
the way loela eats my lipgloss and has healthier lips than me.
the way she looks all soapy and wet
the way she looks at me when im giving her a bath
like she wants to kill me
the way mom mother sounds on the phone
the way my dad gets distracted by the tv when talking to me on the phone
the way my mom texts in all lower case and doesn't use the spacebar
the way i still dream of sandra ann
wearing her bracelets
nachos
cheese
watermelon bubbalicious
dr pepper
airports
the way people behave in airports
being a mommy ( one day)
being a wife (one day)
my wedding day
when my dad gives me away
my first kiss
my last kiss
praying
eating
eating
waking up when its still dark and knowing i still have time to sleep
how he looks at me
the way he laughs when i tell a joke wrong
the homeless
the sun
Mars
the stars
the smell of grass
stepping on roaches
stepping on crickets
catching fireflies
dodging bees
the sound of bees
the wind
my home
my shampoo
dove soap
mac and cheese
pita chips
summer trips
memories
pillows
driving long distances
speeding
blasting the radio
music
chocolate brown
vintage
old hollywood
Bible
teachers
inspiration
miracles
leggins
skinny jeans
sports bras
water bras
headbands with big bows
ribbons
wall decor
hardwood floors
candles
plug ins
shampooing my carpet
curling my lashes
looking at you
catching blown kisses
watching infomercials
perfume
lotions
tank tops
plus size stores
plus size employees working at abercrombie and fitch
plus size employees working at plus size stores
the way charm bracelets sound
taking nails out of walls
romantic comedies
jokes
reality tv
drama
imagination
dreams
roadmaps
journeys
challenges
free stuff
circle yes or no letters
crushes
projectors
flu shots
the color red
the color yellow
crying
endorphins
guidance
birthday parties
dancing
Christmas
Frogs
watermelon
whipped cream
wine
crushed ice
snow cones
the smell of airports
sleeping on airplanes
did  i mention kissing??
mountains
hiking
skiing
water
beaches
sand
ocean life
the heavens
at night
night
moonlight
and..
 cupcakes.

Winter Drinking

Before you show those tastebuds some affection, be sure to snuggle up with someone you love for an added tingle!

     I remember feeling the cool breeze on my cheeks while conquering the monkey bars at school.  I remember the tip of my nose chilled with the presence of winter.  Winter was beautiful to me.  It was comforting and loving.  Winter was gentle and it frolicked through the towns of Southern Texas as if it was on a mission to seduce my senses.  Winter always had it's own smell.  Well, to me anyway.  It was so crisp, like an apple that had fallen fresh from its branch.  As ironic as it sounds, winter always made me feel......... warm.
 
      Hot chocolate is a child's favorite winter drink.  It's a cup of  ecstacy drowning under pillows of marshmellows.  My mother would add rainbow sprinkles. No special reason.  Just love.  I embraced the cup with all my chilly might.  It flirted with my fingertips.  It greeted my tounge with Holiday cheer.  It was good.  Really good.
  
      Last year, I realized I was the only twenty something "Austin-ite" who didn't have clue about Spiked Hot Chocolate.  "Spiked? Isn't that what they do at high school dances??"   I was totally clueless about making my "cup of cheer" a little more...... cheery!!  A good friend introduced  me to this magical brew.  A winter night cap that even Santa would love.  So, here are a few tips to consider when making your hot chocolate a little extra merry.  Enjoy my friends.

     Tip #1:  Play with your ingredients. I discoverd hazelnut liqueur  and Bailey’s Irish Cream  and let me tell you, I felt like Christopher Columbus when he touched land.  These are warm components for your spiked hot chocolate.
Are your chestnuts roasting yet??

     Tip #2:  The best part of hot chocolate could possibly be the creamy swirl of pleasure that ended up more on the tip of my nose than in my cup .  Top off your cocoa cocktail with home-made whipped cream. In a shaker, combine heavy cream, sugar to taste and ice. Shake vigorously with all your might for at least a minute, (some smootching under a mistletoe should pass the time!!!) or until the cream is thick.  Swirl on top of the hot chocolate, add a cherry, and fall in love ....with winter.
 Ingredients...

• 4 cups milk
• 3 ounces unsweetened chocolate
• 3/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 cup dark rum
• 1/2 cup Frangelico
• Garnish: whipped cream

Grab a saucepan and combine the milk,  chocolate,  sugar, and the cinnamon and heat the mixture over moderate heat. Make sure you stir until the chocolate is melted and the sugar is dissolved. Add the rum and the Frangelico and heat the mixture.  Still stirring until it is hot.

Recipe and intructions courtesy of Epicurious.com.

If you like, introduce your Spiked Hot Chocolate to a cupcake.  Love at first sight.

If considered, my name and publication may be published on OS.

Megan Thompson

megcuppiecake

Just A Heart

Today,
  
      I witnessed a breaking heart.  I watched it cringe with sorrow and pain.  One by one pieces of it floated down onto the sidewalk.  An icy sidewalk.  I watched it shatter at her feet.  I held my hands out to catch it but it went right through them. A if it had been broken so many times, that it no longer exsisted.  Tears turned her eyes from a blissful blue to a soft grey.  Almost metallic. 
   
     Blush slumbered on her cheeks until torrant anguish spilt from her eyes.  Her happy eyes.  That became grey as rainfilled clouds.  Her tears mimicking the rain that poured upon us.  I couldn't mend her heartache.  I couldn't stitch up her wounds.  Her soul bruised.  I couldn't fix her.
  
     Not this time.   
     What happened you ask?  
     Her mother smiled and said .....  I hate you.

   Sigh..... no cupcake tonight.

My Ten Year Prison Sentence

Can someone call my mom and tell her I'm in prison?  Please...   Anybody??
  
     I remember being at a local  store in my neighborhood where we would go shopping every Saturday for groceries.  All I wanted was a birthday card for my friend.  I didn't have any money, so I hid it in the depths of my London Fog winter jacket.  I walked out of the store and hurried in to my truck.  I just shoplifted.  I'm a thief.  A dirty rotten thief. 
   
    Later that night, I received a phone call.  It was a man.  His voice was mysterious and deep. 
    Me- Hello?
    Voice- Is this Megan?
   Me- Yes
   Voice- You are under arrest for shoplifting.
   Me-  What?? No.. please.  I'll bring it back.
   Voice-  Cops arrive to take you downtown soon.
  Me-  Please!!!! No. This can't be happening.  Please!!! I can't go to jail. Whats gonna happen to me?? Please!!!  Are you there??..............
     
Hello???

      I was handcuffed and read my rights.  I sobbed and begged for a second chance.  I was put in the backseat where I was asked to remain silent.  Protective glass separated me and the driver.   I was screaming and kicking.  My nose bleeding from the stress and pressure.  He couldn't hear me. He wasn't listening to me.  I was going to jail.  Reflections of blue and red covered my face as we sped to the courthouse.  The sirens were so loud. Why are they making such a big deal out of stealing a birthday card?? I was terrified.  People were glaring at me and shaking their heads in disappointment as we met at stoplights.  Humiliated to the core.

       My trial was that day.  Trial?? I didn't murder anybody.. trial???? Oh my gosh.  People I never knew existed sat quiet and stern with their notepads and fancy pens.  As if they were ready to write in capitalized letters  GUILTY.  The judge bestowed no mercy upon me. He glared at me and degraded me with hurtful words.  He sentenced me with ten years in prison with no possible chance of parole.
   
     WHAT???? TEN YEARS??  There are people out there getting away with murder and you are sentencing me ten years for a birthday card???
  
     I was cuffed once again.  This time, it hurt.  I looked behind me hoping to see my family and friends.  Noone was there.  Just ugly, burgandy chairs.  Empty and desolate. Then I remembered, noone knew I was arrested.  My parents can help me.  They will get me out.  I dropped to the floor as the guards tried to pick me up.  My parents, they don't know where I am... please, can you call them? They can help me.  They can get me out.  Please, I'm begging you.  Call my parents.
  
      They finally got the strength to stand me up on two feet.  Tears were streaming down my cheeks, onto the floor.  I was alone and scared.  I had butterflies at the thought of spending ten years behind bars with scary people who had committed crimes much greater than mine.  We came to a stop as they opened the gate to my cell.  I made eye contact with one of the gaurds.  I spoke to him with my eyes.  My glassy, distraught eyes.  He looked away quickly.  I think he knew this was going a little too far. 
   
     The steel bars were so cold.  Each slam of the doors was a sign of eternity and hell.  We never slammed doors in my house, so I asked them to shut my bars gently.  They didn't.  It was if they were getting even with yet another crook in the world.  SLAM...  The sound of the key locking my bars was harsh, as if I was to be locked away from all mankind.  Even though it was only ten years, it was going to feel like an eternity. 
 
      I awoke to a man calling my name outside my cell.  I was dressed in a yellow jumpsuit with the number 56 on the back.  My socks were an ugly tan.  This is the attire of a theif.  Hideous.  I ran up to him as if he was my knight and shining armor.  I clenched the bars and stuck my nose through, as if I was trying to taste freedom. I couldn't see his face. I could only see his briefcase and top hat.  His voice was thick and raspy.  He sounded old and wise.  Your mother and father were reached.  They want nothing to do with you.  You mother wanted me to tell you that she will have no ties to you after you are released.  Good day.
    
     Wait!!! WAIIIIIIIIIIIT.  COME BACK...... PLEASE... PL...PLEASE.  My heart sounded like the bars slamming as it crumbled to the cold concrete floor.  I fell to my knees.  Then to my hands.  Then to my stomach.  The floor embraced me.  I was shaking uncontrollably.  I didn't feel human anymore.  I was no longer a member of society.  I was no longer part of my family.  I was just me.  
   
     I climbed in my bed and curled up like a catepillar awaiting its euphoric transition into a butterfly. I was gasping for air.  I was sick to my stomach.  I was .......was....... what's that noise?? where is that coming from??  It sounds like .... Loela.. my dog.  Loela?? Your here with me??? Loela?................ Loela?..........
  
     I awaken the sound of Loela scratching at the door.  I was sweating.  My pillow was drenched with fear.  Oh my goodness Loela.... I just had the worst dream in history.  Whew.  Okay,  time to get up, lets go potty.   

     Have you ever had a dream so real, that you feel as if you have actually experienced it?? I have never been to prison, nor will I ever.  However, this dream that I had last night seemed so real, that I felt as if I had lived a day in the life of a prisoner.  How scary is that?  It was scary.  No, horrifying.
  
     I should only be dreaming of cupcakes and Mars.. not prison and brown socks :)  

Honor a Teacher

" Your gonna be a teacher one day.  I know it."     
                                                                            -Mrs. Welch

        I was five years old when I walked in to her classroom.  It was bright and aestheticlly pleasurable to the eyes.  My name was written De'Nelian style on a name tag covered in rainbows.  I had my own nametag, on my own desk. Yessss.  She removed my Fraggle Rock backpack off  my shoulders and placed it in a little brown cubby, with my name written De' Neliean style on yet another name tag. A sentence strip.  Taped crookedly on the top level of my three shelved cubby. My own sentence strip, in my very own cubby. Yesss. I'm so grown up.
 
     I was assigned to sit next to Scott Studer, the class heartthrob.  Oh how he was charming.  With his shaggy black hair and reebok shoes laced with bright green shoe laces.  He was so cool.  I liked him.  I had a crush on him.  I wanted to share my Teddy Ruxpin with him.  He would always avoid me, until he wanted to use my neon glue.  I think he liked me. 
    
     Yeah, he dug me.
  
      Mrs. Welch wasn't like a lot of teachers.  Well, then again, she was the only teacher I knew at the time.  I was a brand new student, with brand new saddle shoes and a brand new Strawberry Shortcake lunch box.  She was my brand new teacher.  She borded the classroom in scripture.  I couldn't read yet but, I couldn't wait to read those words.  Written in cursive.  So mysterious.  Her love for us was laced with stringent and dedication.  She didn't believe in "counting to three".  If you weren't obeying by two, your behavior cloud had already changed colors and a note to your mother was already placed neatly in your folder.  With a big red line.  A line only made for a parent's signature.  So strait. So scary.  A line that... noone wanted to ever see. 
   
      She loved us.  She told us we will someday be something.  She had faith in us.  She was strong willed and passionate.  Her voice was high pitched.  Lyrics of a sweet song.  Words that guided us.  Encouraged us.  Praised us.  I was five but, I rememeber her.  I wanted to be like her.  I wanted to grade papers and draw scary red lines.  I wanted fifty red pens on my desk in my fancy pen holder.  I wanted a pink polkadotted coffee mug on my desk.  Except with hot chocolate.  Yeah, hot chocolate.  I wanted to be able to get ones attention with only three claps. 
    
     Mrs. Welch was inspiring.  The ultimate educator.  Leader.  She molded my path.  The path that I have followed for years now.  I never strayed off that path because it was made by someone beautiful.  Someone who taught me to find myself.  A role-model.  A friend of God.  A friend to my family.  A friend to me.  She framed my educational universe.  She planted road signs for me to follow so that I may be a successful learner.  So I would never be lost.  Scriptures became my map.  Her voice, my compass. She was someone everyone wanted to be.  Mrs. Welch.  My kindergarten teacher.  Today, I teach- because of you.
 
       My favorite grade to teach..... kindergarten. With my fancy pen holder and my pink coffee mug.  With hot chocolate.  I take off backpacks and jackets and hang them in cubbies.  With nametags.  I write letters home and draw big red lines.  But not so scary. And in my bookshelf sits a little green book.  With scriptures, highlighted by you.  That you kept all those years as you taught until you humbly passed it to me.  So, Mrs. Welch, like you...... I love.  I inspire.  I teach.
    
     With my heart and soul I  thank you sweet teacher.  You meant what you said-  " Your gonna be a teacher one day"... and you knew it. 

My favorite treat to share with my students........ cupcakes :)

I love to Eat, I love to Pray, and I love to........

"I disappear in to the person I love. 
 I am the permeable membrane.  If I love you, you can have it all- my money, my time... my dog.  My dog's money. I will assume for you all your debts.  I will reject upon you all sorts of nifty qualities  you've actually never cultivated in yourself.   I will give you all this and more, until I am so exausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy, is by becoming infatuated... with someone else".
  "I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me." 
"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something". 
 "L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle- meaning
The love that moves the sun and the other stars."
  
"I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on the water."
    I absolutely, truly, sincerely loved this movie.  I, like Liz, have embarked on my own journey to find balance.  For me,  is the realization that it is acceptable to have never been in love.  Acceptable to me.  Anything acceptable to me, is balance. 
  
     However, we don't have to be in love with JUST people.  Today, I ate a pomegranite for the first time in my life.  "I'm in love with this fruit," I said. And I was.  Yesterday, the breeze blew through my classroom like a thief. Except I could feel it.  I could imagine it's purpose for being there.  Bringing life to sleeping papers which await my adjourn of grading and red pen scribbles. Floating them gently to the floor and picking them back up, as if they were dancing. Teasing my cheeks.  My rosy cheeks.

     " I love this weather Miss Thompson". 

     "Me Too".
  
      Everything that surrounds us, that touches us, that fills us with joy is in someway a balance.  We all need some kind of balance to face life's unfinished novels.  Unfinished because life can't go on without love.  Our stories will not become history without love. 

       All of us have our own stories. Our own journeys.  We live each day loving something.  My favorite quote in this movie was " The love that moves the sun and the other stars".  If something as powerful as the sun and stars are constantly moving, shifting, rotating... then we, on earth are responsible. 

     How?

    By loving- something that doesn't just exist in the heavens. 

    Hello??        Anybody listening??


Heart cupcakes tonight. Sweet..... like love.

Meet Me in Tennessee

In the Mountains high above,
 family there, is what I love.

  My Thanksgiving. When I gave thanks.
1. Hugged my best friend as she dropped me off at the airport
2. Caught the red eye to Chicago.
3.  Got stuck in Chicago for four hours.
4. Watched a little girl persuade her dad for a cinnabun.
5. learned how to be a successful persuader.
6. Finally landed in Tennessee.
7. Changed three times.
8. Went with my orignial attire.
9. Hugged my cousin that I hadn't seen four years.
10. Hugged her on my tippy toes because she is all of a sudden taller than me.
11.  Realized four years was WAY too long without seeing my family.
12. Arrived at the condo.
13. Pretty condo, in the Mountains.
14. Hugged my family that was waiting for me.
15. Was told " you look great".
16. Was told "I thought you were taking diet pills".
17. Liked " you look great" better.
18. Visited, ate ( because I'm not on diet pills) and turned my phone off.
19.  Watched dancing with the stars in front of a fire, with my family. That I love.
20. Bed time at 10pm.
21. Girl talk with my cousins till 11:00
22. Woke up to the smell of cinnamon.
23. Mmmmm cinnamon rolls.
24. Still not on diet pills.
25. Dressed, hair curled and lashes to die for...done.
26. Off to Gatlinburg
27. Shopped, ate and ....ate.
27. Felt like I was 10 again..
28. Realized that when I turned around, Sandra Ann would NOT be behind me this time.
29. Memories.
30. Back to the condo.
31. Phone call from mom saying she was around the corner.
32. Text message from dad WHILE phone call with mom in progress.. telling me they were around the corner.
33. Waited for my mom and dad on the hill, like child waiting for Santa.
34. Hugged my mother.  She smelt good.
35. Hugged my father.  He smelt like... my father.
36. Brewery at 7:00
37. Ate and was merry.
38. Back to the condo.
39. Watched my dad try to smoke a cigar with his brother n laws.
40. He wasn't exhaling.
41. I laughed.
42. Watched "Get Smart".
43. Bedtime at 10:30.
44.Woke up to a wierd mixure of turkey cooking in the oven and coffee.
45. Discovered ho awesome bare minerals make is.
46. English muffins for breakfast.
47. Played air hockey with my mom.
48. Defeated her.
49. Leaving my with an undefeated record in the history of air hockey.
50. Watched my uncles, dad and cousin play H-O-R-S-E in the parking lot.
51. Hugged my mother.
52. Smelt stuffing.
53. Visited Ms. Grace, talked about men and how she wished her boobs didn't sag.
54. Made sure my boobs knew never to sag.. or else......
55. Cut potatoes with my mom.
56. Was the mash potato taste tester.
57. Amazed to discover how much how much football the guys of the family could watch in one day.
58. Gathered together.
59. Prayed to our Almighty God.
60. Thought of Sandra Ann- who should of been there.
61. Remembered she is with the Lord- the best place to be thankful.
62. Blessed our food.
63. Dug in.
64. Dropped stuffing on my shirt... twice.
65. Sat in agony.
66. Had seconds.
67. Laid in agony.
68. Witnessed the men wash dishes.
69. Rested.. watching football.
70. Went on a hike with my mom, uncle and cousin.
71. Jumped a creek.
72. Got lost.
73. Turned around to see my mother peeing in the woods.
74. Laughed at the thought of my mother taking "nature" seriously.
75. Found our tracks.
76. Back over the creek, slipped.
77. Got a blister on my heel.
78. Rode back to the condo with one shoe on.
79. Back to the condo.
80. Wishing we can watch something else but football.
81. Made funny faces on photobooth with my cousin.
82. Laughed till we cried.
83. Photobooth with my mother.
84. Discovered funny faces she can make.
85. Listened to my mother laugh until she cried.
86. Up till midnight laughing with my cousins.
87. Silence at 1am.
88. Up to the smell of scrambled eggs and toast.
89. Scrambled eggs with cheese, ham and toast for breakfast.
90. Put my eyeliner on too thick.
91. Kind of liked it.
92. Shared a sprite with my cousin.
93. Giggled when my mom told me "your drinking too much soda".
94. Rode the Earthquake ride with my cousin.
95. Totally lame.
96. Still had fun because she was by my side.
97. Got lost in a house of mirrors.
98. Thought how screwed I would be if I was actually being chased.
99. Ran into a mirror.
100. Found the bruise that proves it.
101. Smiled when my father asked " do you have enough money?"
102. I miss that question.
103. Lunch at Hellbender Grill.
104. Drank a sweet tea from the heavens.
105. Thought of Sandra Ann.
106. Alot.
107. Shopped at an outlet with my mom.
108. Found a coach purse.
109. Figured I might see that under the Christmas tree the year!
110. Sat in traffic.
111. Back to the condo.
112. With a Coach purse on my mind.
113. Sweet tea to drink... instead of soda.
114. Pita chips and ranch dip for dinner.
115. Fell in love with pita chips.
116. Wondered how I have gotten through life....without pita chips.
117. Pumpkin roll for dessert.
118.  More football.
119. Visited
120. Drank wine with Grace.
121. She told me about her push up bra.
122. Bedtime at 11:30.
123. Woke up to the sound of doors slamming.
124. Brushed my teeth with the wrong toothbrush.
125. Didn't even want to know whose it was.
126. Ate pancakes next to my dad.
127. Started thinking of diet pills.
128. Hugged my cousins.
129. Said goodbye.
130.Back to the outlet mall with mom and dad.
131. New Uugs.
132. New candle that will put you in a winter wonderland.
133.  Ate an ice cream cone with my mom.
134. Cookies and Cream.
135. Went back to Gatlinburg.
136. Watched lovers on the ski lift.
137. Saw couples smootching.
138. Saw couple holding hands- hugging.
139. Saw couples fighting.
140. Sam families.
141.  Loved my family
142. Bedtime in Lodge Hotel.
143. Slept on floor because " I'm still the kid".
144. Wondered when 28 will be considered an adult.
145. Slept like the stars.
146. Dreamt of Mars.
147. Not really.
148. Woke up to the sound of my father's voice
149. At 4:30am
150. Wondered if I was dreaming.
151. Nope.  Everyone was up.
152. Checked out.
153. Came across the hotel manager sleeping by the fire.
154.  Woke up hotel manager.
155. Said goodbye.
156.  Blew a kiss to the smokey mountains.
157. They kissed me back.
158. Six hour drive back to Alabama.
159. Chewed gum
160.  Slept.
161. Took one bite out of a Krispy Kreme- gagged.
162. Gave the rest to my dad.
163. Got picked on by my uncle for not liking Krispy Kreme.
164. Listened to Johnny Cash.
165. Talked about Johnny Cash.
166.  Took a bite out of an oatmeal cookie.
167. Gave the rest to my dad.
168. Wishing I liked sweets.
169. Subway for lunch.
170. Let my parents dog lick my face.
171. Felt the warmth of my parents home.
172. Put up the Christmas tree with my dad.
173. Realized that four branches had lights that didn't work.
174. Pulled a muscle in my back taking the tree down.
175. Mean tree.
176.  Listen to my dad verbally abuse the tree.
177. Told my mom my back hurt.
178. She gave me medicine.
179. Took a hot shower.
180. Was amused at their state of the art, futuristic shower head that was bigger than me.
181. Requested moms famous potato soup for dinner.
182. Smelt potato soup being prepared.
183. By someone beautiful.
184. Hugged my mother for making my belly full.
185. Forgot about the diet pills.
186. Selective amnesia really.
187. Got drowzy from the meds.
188. Tried to fight the drowziness.
189. I never win.
190. Bedtime at 8:00.
191. Dreamt of my dog Loela.
192. Toss and turned.
193. Woke up to the sound of my mother's high heels on the kitchen floor.
194. Packed.
195. Breakfast with dad.
196. Held the door open for a war veteran, barely walking, wearing his medals. Leaning on a cane.
197. Listened to American Pie by Don Mclean.
198.  Still wondering why they chose that as thier wedding song.
199.  Daddy- daughter time.
200. Much needed.
201. Got dropped off at the airport.
202. Hugged my dad.
203. Hugged him again.
204. Said I love you a dozen times.
205. Smiled at a woman who cut in front of me in the boarding line.
206. A fake smile- that said " I want to push you out of the way".
207. Realized I was being overdramatic.
208. Thankful I didn't say anything.
209. Because I realized I was in the wrong line anway.
210. Hit terrible turbulance.
211. Thought it was the end of me.
212.  Got stuck in Dallas for three hours.
213. Ate McDonalds.
214. What? Diet pills? What are those??
215. Saw a couple reading the Bible together.
216. I liked that.
217. Texted.
218. Updated my FB status.
219. Five times.
220. Landed in San Antonio.
221. Hugged my friend who picked me up from the airport.
222. A one hour drive to Austin.
223. Greet Loela at the door.
224. Loved Loela.
225. Re-cap on my week.
226.  Was thankful.
227.  Gave thanks.
228. Smiled.

That cupcake took forever to bake-  It's always sweet.

I think...

Whew..been gone a while.  Took a mental break.  Here's a little something I wrote on the plane last night. Nothing great.  Just a little something to hold you over until my blog tonight.  Happy reading.
 I think about the moon
I think about the stars,
I think about the time I spent on Mars.
I think about you and I think about them,
I think about her and I think about him.
I think about the time I spilt my drink
all over you,
all over me.
I think about the time I wore your hat
and how I swung your wooden bat
at your cat,
your ugly cat.
I think about your lips on mine,
and how they change the face of time.
I think about the way you read
and when we dance, you make me lead.
I like it when you clutch my coffee,
and how you like your rootbeer frosty.
I think of the way you lock your doors,
and how your shirts lay on my floors.
I think of when I crashed your car,
and you got mad...
and kissed me.
I think about the way your drive,
and how you kiss my cheek at five.
I think about the way you smell,
and that silly yellow little bell
that you ring, when you want to yell.
I think of how you say my name,
and in my heart ignites a flame.
I think of how you love my God,
and how I thank my wonderful God,
for you, who loves blue...
in those silly red shoes.
I think of how you look above,
the stars at night that write of love.
 I just think of you with me at night,
as I fly above the clouds tonight.
I look down and see the lights below,
which dance and kiss with midnight glow.

Reminding me to think things through,
mostly just thinking ....
of you.

cupcakes make me think sweet thoughts!! :)

Welcome Home Party... Tonight

Five years she fought.  Battled.  War upon her fragile temple. 
    
   The sun was teasing me as it rised over the hills.  My phone rings loudly.  Left hand on the wheel, my right hand digging deep in to my purse pulling out everything but my phone. 
    
     "Hello"?    It was my mom.
     "Hey Megan, what are you doing"?
      " Just driving to work"
       " Megan I want to tell you something"
      "What"
        " Lucy died this morning.  3:30am."
  Oh.... my... God.
    
      She wasn't my grandmother but she was a grandmother figure.  My grandpa married her shortly before I was born.  They had a farm and a ranch that sat on many acres.  I loved being out there.  I was a needle in a hay stack.  Climbing the hay stacks. 
    
      She lifted me up when the angry turkey charged me.  I hated that turkey.  Mean turkey. 
     I named a cow Sugar.  She was black and white. I loved that cow.  My grandfather wanted her sold.     Lucy made sure she wasn't. For me.   Just me. 
    
     Once, I cried for my father as I watched him drive away with my mother.  Up the rocky hill.  Out the gate.  I didn't know what vacation meant at that age.  All I knew is they were disappearing.  My pink polka dotted suitcase sat beside my light up shoes.  With pink laces.  She held me in her arms.  Stroking my hair as I buried my tear streamed face on her shoulder.   She consoled me.  She swayed me back and forth.  Shushing me gently.  She hummed a little.  

    That night she taught me how to sing the itsy bitsy spider. 

 So, while the people she loved slept with the stars, up the water spout she went. Down came her rain.

Somethin sweet awaits her tonight.  Somethin sweet. 

Tonight.. I'm from Mars.

Beautiful you.
     I sit on Mars, way up here above the stars.
    Do you ride on trolly cars? Like we on earth do
     pretty Mars?
     Do you ride on firery dragons?
     or like us, a buzzy wagon.
     Have you anything to brag on
     that we haven't, pretty Mars?
    Have you men that do or dare?
    this way, that way everywhere.
    That's what we have- pretty mars.

      I use you Mars, to love him more.  You invented my memory of him.   You put beauty in my hands.   I watch his meteor shower detonate under the sun.  A sun that slumbers when I'm with you.  Sweet Mars, Where is Juliet? I thought she was the sun? I linger on your edge.  You catch me- because I drift into his flame.  Just a flame.  Hot. Dangerous. Addicting.  I use you Mars, to imagine unearthly thoughts. I can do that when I'm with you. Far away. Up here, above the stars.  They seem weary tonight.  Just tonight I hope. 
     
     You illistrate a moon that sings.  A singing moon.  Who fastin the eyes of dreamers.  Dreamers who dream. Dream away. Until they reach us. The dreams I mean.  I can see them.  Touch them.  Make them come true.  For dreamers like me who dream of you.  The heavens are flooded with pleasure. Marvel.  They float over you.  Fall on you. Gently.
    
     Oh Mars, eternity sits on your lips.  Bliss on your brow.  You laugh at me.  Sudden, you thrust me off of you, into the night.  Why have you betrayed me? I fall fast.  Through glowing stars. Across God's palette. I slip off the tip of God's paintbrush-out of the universe where love truely exists.  Bring me back tonight.  When I close my eyes to dream.  To dream of him.  To read the dreams of dreamers like me.

 Mars, answer me this, and let it be truth
 How much is night in love with you? 

A cupcake a night brings sweet dreams delight.

Ugh... Diets

      Day three of my grusome, repugnant diet is upon me.  What is a diet anyway?  It should be illegal.  It should never be spoken of woman nor man. Ugh.  Diets. 

     

      I find myself in a struggle as I search for my long lost tennis shoes.  A pair of pink and blue Nike's peek out from under a pile of clothes.  The shoe laces hang off the shelf, isolated from the flip flop community that has settled there.  Moans of agony come from the pit of my stomach out my lips as I slip them on my feet.  Pink and blue Nike's fit perfectfully. 

   

      I feel taller. 

   

      The treadmill is a bully.  I believe that I am slowly walking my way into it's good grace.  Barbells befriend me.  Stretching brings consequence from the unforgiving choices of double cheeseburgers.  The chin up bars look down on me, snickering.  My sports bra shifts all directions.  My jogging pants which are to fit loosely feel like leggins.  My tank top won't stay on my shoulders.. and.. did I just hear the eliptical machine whisper "your a hot mess".  Ugh. Diets.

   

     McDonalds glares at me as I stop at a red light.  It's golden arches burning through my windshield.  The drive through menu is extra bright.  They must of finally fixed the lights.  Why? Why now? Sonic flipped me the bird this morning because I didn't stop to have my usual breakfast.  I shrugged my shoulders with guilt.  I abondoned them.  They never abondoned me.  They were there for me.  They comforted me.  I no longer need them in my life.  Want them in my life. Have them in my life.  Ugh. Diets.

    

     Water bottles replace Dr.Pepper on the top and bottom shelf of my refriderator.  Water cleanses my soul.  My mind. My spirit.  I need spirit right now.  A strong one.  The elevator no longer sees me. No longer feels my finger on it's buttons.  No longer hears my quiet singing as I go up..and down.   Oh how I miss arriving to my classroom, not winded.  A bouncy ball replaces my leather chair that allowed me to roll across my desk area.  My back becomes angry.  Ugh. Diets.

             

                                   I can do this.  I'm a no matter what woman.  I am strong. 

                          But I still want a cupcake......with fat free icing and sugar free sprinkles :)

Writer's Block

 

       I have no idea what to write about tonight.  I usually take the weekends off to rest my industrious brain but, each time I do, I always find myself sitting in front of my computer with the cursor blinking at me. Laughing at me.  My dog wonders around me.  She knows when I have the laptop on my ..well..lap, not to bother me.  Except, tonight I find her a sweet distraction.  My thoughts are drowned by sounds of "Meet The Faulkers" and my washing machine. 

   

  The sun has set and the wind is picking up lovingly.  Back to the chopping block tomorrow with my 17 little smarties with their light up Nike's and Twinkle Toes.  This week we discuss bears and hybernation.  This should be interesting. 

    

   I haven't been sleeping much because I have new nieghbors who insist on staying up till 5am playing video games. I can hear the wife bellowing at her husband to come to bed.  I can hear the daughter blow drying her hair at 5 in the morning.  I guess I should silently deliver one of my bogus " manager" letters stating there will be a fine if the noise continues!! It's worked before.  :)

   

   The moon is hiding tonight.  I know it gets a lot of flack because of it's responsibilities.  I wonder what the moon would say if it could talk?  Would the sun complain that it was too hot? What about the stars? Do they wish they could all be counted?  Or do they live their own life, living magestically together, guilty of love? 

  

    I'll sleep on that question.  Goodnight.

I wish I may, I wish I might, dream of cupcakes all of the night :)

     

Love Letter From Vietnam

      My dear love,                                                    
      November 18, 1969

         

     Rain falls from the heavens as I think of you tonight.  I dream of the moment I get to hold you in my arms again.  This letter won't be long but I had to tell you how much I love you.  How much I miss you.  It's hot here.  South Vietnam is no walk in the park.  Your a walk in the park.

    

     I don't know why it keeps raining.  I've been sent over to the Medical camp today to help out with the soldiers.  I am training new medics.  You won't believe how bloody it is in here.   The stinch of war  and courage fills the room.  It's bitter sweet really.  Tomorrow we start running out in to the line to look for lost, wounded soldiers.  It's a scary world outside this tent.  Bombs dropping, rifles letting loose.  It trembles my bed. 

       I tremble... at the thought of never seeing you or our children again.

   

      I have become sort of a counselor.  I'm somebody to talk to.  I'm a listening ear.  I am here to serve and fight for our Country.  I smoked my last cigar the other night.  It was so nice to have a moment of peace.  It didn't last long.  Before I knew it I was taking cover under a house due to bombs.  I cover my head and closed my eyes.  I can feel pieces of buildings fall upon me.  I await the moment of silence after each bomb.  I can think for a minute, and brace myself for the next one. 

   

     How are the kids?  Growing I bet.  How is Cindy doing in school?  Is David behaving himself?  I got a letter from Cathy last week.  Her handwriting is improving.  Tell them I love them will you?  Tell them I will be back soon.  I have sent a tape recorder with my voice on it.  I just talk about my days here.  You can't hear me sometimes because of the sirens that go off in the background.  They aren't anything to be scared of.  Are they scared?  Tell them not to be.  I'm coming home.  Tell David to send me more bandaids, the soldiers appreciate them!

   

      Are you wondering where your perfume went?  I took it before I left.  I spray it on my pillow so it's as if your next to me at night.   I get a little piece of you before I fall asleep.  Well, the little sleep that we get here.  I sure miss you guys.  I get a good view of the stars from my tent.  There is  a few holes in the roof.  I imagine pieces of you in the sky, shining down on me, making the face of heaven so fine and all the world in love with night.  I breathe you in and fall asleep to the thought of you and our children together again.  Some men won't see their loves again.  My heart aches for the ones who wail with pain and touch death with their fingertips.  They are the ones out there, protecting.  Fighting.  Defending.  All with honor and dignity, courage and consequence.

   

      If this be my last letter to you, my love, tell our children I am with them always.  I am with you always.  I will sing you songs in the wind.  I miss you my love.  I miss our children.  Cindy, Cathy and David. 

 Remember the day I told you I loved you?  Maginify that by ten million and ten. 

  Until next time my sweet.  I look forward to hearing from you soon. Goodnight.  

Love to you

     Ron

Thank you grandpa for saving the lives of many.  Risking your life to bandage the wounds of our soldiers. 

Grandma, thank you for being you.  Love.

Oh You Hump Day!!

   I'm so tired today.  I sit in my classroom, starving.  I'm wait for my colleague to finish grading papers as my stomach roars with anger.  My head pounds from the echoes of high pitched voices roaming through the hallways.  Lockers slam loud and the copy machine is broken.. for the third time this week.  My GT student won't keep his shoes on.  We have had a firedrill,  tornadoe drill and a lock down drill all in one day.  Is that even possible?  I have five hundred and fifty five...no wait..fifty six parents approach me at one time. With a headache.  I don't have the answers for once.  I tell them "I will get back to you".  I hate saying that- when knowing I left my superwoman cape at home.

    

   I do love my job. My students.  My life.  I love my desk that lovingly cradles the papers which hold deadly deadlines.  I love my blue shag carpet that hideously smells like sandbox and monkeybars.  I love how my projector slide shoots up and spins if I don't hold it the right way.  My days go by like a strand in the wind.  I sometimes wish I can stand outside my glass house and witness my lovely, beautiful crazy life.  Sometimes I just wish I can throw rocks at a glass house.  I bet that would be interesting.  I hear Adele playing in the background as I pick up the remaining shredded paper left from my 17 busy bodies.  I sit up with a handful of multicolored construction paper and say to myself " Oh, I love Adele".

   

  I can't grade papers because I lent the second grade teacher down the hall my EZ grader, which, she forgot to mention that she was taking it home.  I really need that grader.  I find it really hard to grade without my magic red sharpie when, I left the lid off last night. It dried out while I slumbered, alone in the dark classroom, laying on a desk full of ungraded papers.  What an awful way to parish.  I really do consider myself lucky.  Amazingly honest. 

However, sometimes I'm tired.  Really tired.  Tonight.  I'm tired.  Anybody else feel me??

anybody?

I will take a redbull cupcake please.  :)

My 78 Favorite Quotes from Anchorman!!!

There was a time, a time before cable. When the local anchorman reigned supreme. When people believed everything they heard on TV. This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news. And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man then the rest. His name was Ron Burgundy. . He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr and suits so fine they made Sinatra look like a hobo. In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls...............................

anywhoo... here are my 78 most FAVORITE quotes from anchorman!!! Stay classy Austin :)

1. when in rome

2. i miss your scent..i miss your musk.

3. stay classy san diego

4. my ALABASTER doll

5. i know one day me and veronica are gonna get married on the mountain and there will be flutes playing

6.did you throw a barrioto out fo the window??

7. sir, this town needs news, and your going to deprive them of that bc i have breasts..exquisit breasts??

8. i'm good at three things fighting, screwing and reading the news.. now i've already done one of those toay so whats the other one gonna be huh?

9. I'm in a glass case of emotion, the motorcycle mad just threw my dog off a bridge, bad motorcycle man

10. you ruined my day you scorpian woman

11.those were not real pirates but, they sure looked convincing

12. i am going to punch you in public

13. theres only one thing a man who is going through an emtional state, buy new suits!!

14. keep a tight perimeter

15.i've had about enough of you mantooth, lets dance dickweed

16. rick, wher'd you get a hand granade?

17. looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest

18. before we fight, lets go over some ground rules rule# 1 no

touching of hair and face..AND THATS IT..not lets fight!!

19. i killed a guy with a trident

20. you kept your head on a swivel and thats what you have to do when you find yourself in a cockfight

21. im not a baby, im a man..im an anchorman

22. im a man who discovered the effiel tower.

23. you are a smelly pirate hooker

24. well you... have bad hair

25. ow!!! nights of columbus that hurts.

26. i hate your ron burgundy, you poop mouth.. poop.. just poop coming all out of your mouth..poop mouth..

27. don't you know i would never say the word fu**, the word fu** , fu**, i would never say the word fu**

28. Chris, put the gun down and let the marching band go, we'll play it off as a prank.

29. im expressing my inner madness with the majesty of song

30. i have no heart bc a she devil stole it.

31. just watch out for the guns, they'll get ya

32. Ron, i know this sounds harsh, but God does NOT want her to live.

34. i immediatlely regret this decision, the bears, they looked so much small from up there.

35. sweet eli whitney snooze it wasn't you was it???

36. it takes impending death to realize how much i need you.

37. BEAR FIGHT

38. hey ron, i'm riding a furry tractor

39. i will tell tales of your companionship

40. i will lick you, i will lick you in front of everyone

41. today we spell redemption..R.O.N

42. there are 1000's of men that i should be with right now but, ron, i am 72 percent that i should be with you.

43. excuse me, is that sex panther your wearing??

44. you stay classy, planet earth

45. hey everyone, come and see how good i look

46. ribs, that what i had for lunch today, thats why I'm doing this ( picking tooth)

47. i love scotch, scotch scotch scotsch, here it goes now..down my belly

48. if you were a man I would punch you in the mouth

49. i know what your asking youself and yes, I do have a nick name for my penis

50. by the beard of the slues, she's hot

51. you have an absouletly breathtaking hiney, i wanna be friends with it.

52. i dont know how to put this but, i'm kind of a big deal

53. my apartment smells of rich mohagany

54. i wanna be on you.

55. your so wise, your like a minature buda, covered in hair

56. you pooped in the refridgerator? im not even mad, thats amazing

57. i ate a big red candle

58. i believe diversity is a old wooden ship used in the world war

59. it is anchorMAN, not anchorlady and that is scientifc fact

60. I dont know what I'm yelling about.

61. i would like to some bbq on that behind and just munch munch munch munch

62. im very aroused.

63. hey, where did you get those clothes..at the....toilet store?

64. i will take you mother, dorethy mantooth to a nice seafood dinner, and never call her again.

65. it is bologna

66. what do you say we go out on a date, maybe some chicken, maybe some sex..

67. time to musk up

68. stings the nostrils....in a good way

69. cough, look over here

70. i would like to extend to you an invitation to the pants party.

71. the only way to bag a classy lady is to give her two tickets to the gun show

72.oh its such a deep burn..its so deep

73. mr burgundy you have a massive erection.

74. im sorry, its the pleats..its actually an optical illution..

75. in the early days they named it san diago which means, a whales vagina

76. thats baby making music thats what that is

77. i freakin love you

78. i love....carpet, i love....desk, i love..lamp

Dreamed a Dream

         Goodnight sweet moon.  Goonight sweet Loela.  Goodnight.            

   This morning I woke to find myself at the corner of first and fabulous.  My skinny jeans slipped on without a glitch and all my laundry that lay crinkled on my bed was magically hung up, by color.  The pink ribbon in my hair tied perfectly. My lips were slicked with sweet mint balm and my cheeks, pink with happiness.  I walked in my bathroom to see my dog using the toilet instead of my floor, then she made my bed.  I walked down my stairs without slipping, tripping, stumbleing or falling. I used the right key to lock my door. I got in to my truck without spilling my drink.  My truck shot out cold air and blew through my long voluminous hair. I opened the door before backing out of the garage for the first time in two weeks.  I hit every green light and there was no traffic.  Every song on the radio that I wanted to hear played..twice. 

    My gas tank was full and I didn't hit any bumps when putting on my mascara..which was made of crushed diamonds.  I got to work on time. I didn't have to suck in when passing my colleagues because I was skinny...in my skinny jeans.  My classroom door unlocked without any problems.  My room was actually vaccumed and dusted.  It smelt good.  I had an ice cold dr.pepper waiting for me on my desk, thanks to coach mendoza.  My lesson plans were laid out and circle time activites were completed mysteriously.  I checked my mail and had 100 letters from the president in my inbox stating he was doing away with TAKS and increasing anyone who educates salary.  I replied with a smiley face.  My facebook status said " free cupcakes in my room". 

     My students come in and sit down without saying a word.  Homework completed and all.  Circle time was done in a flash without any interruptions.  Everyone was in class on time.  Except.. nothing abnormal about this scene. 

     Lunch was chicken fried chicken with mac and cheese.  Homemade ranch dressing on the side.  Served to me. He floods my truck in watermelon bubbalicious and then chews a piece with me.  The bell rings at exactly 3:30.  I don't have any work to do because it's already been done.  Mysteriously.  I drive home.  I hug loela.  Rest.  I don't think about anything.  My mind doesn't know how to go a million miles an hour. I brush my teeth with sugar because it makes my teeth white, and doesn't cause cavities.  Lay in bed which forgets to deflate every hour on the hour.  I close my eyes without thinking about anything.  I can pray without falling asleep on God.  I rest in Him.  I sleep on my side because I won't ever need to roll over to adjust the deflation.  I sleep.  Peace.


I woke up.  Laughed at the dream I just had.  Back to sleep.

I like the orange cupcakes, it's like a dreamsicle :)

I didn't say goodbye

I can't seem to forgive myself for not saying goodbye.  She laid there so peaceful, so content. Sleeping. 

I can't forget the smell of vicks vapor rub when I hugged her.  Her cheeks sunkin in and her eyes displaying tiny blue hazy circles.  A white fleece blanket kept her warm.  I didn't recognize her.  I didn't want to recognize her.  Not like that.  I whispered that I loved her in her ear.  She smiled.  She couldn't tell me she loved me back.. that's not possible.

What's happening?.......

I escape to the bathroom where I fell to my knees, covered my face and flooded my hands with tears.  I'm not supposed to feel this way in her house.  A house that smelt like sweet cinnamon.  A house that wrapped your spirit in ribbons.  A house with brown sugar kisses and chortle.  A house with the sound of sweet tea being stirred and pool balls clinking around.  It was now a house of quiet sobs, tissues being pulled from boxes and worry.  My aunt found me and lifted me up off the floor.  She wrapped me in her arms.  She didn't say anything.  She didn't have to. 

I tried to occupy my time in her house with video games and television.  I didn't spend much time with her.  I thought if I didn't see her, fading from me, then it wasn't real.  I prayed and prayed to my almighty God to restore her health and give her back to me.  Me.  Give her back to me. Tears stained the sheets as I kneeled before the Lord, selfishly begging Him.  I told God everything I loved about her.  Everything I knew about her.  The moon replaced the sun..her sun.   The sun replaced the moon...her moon. 

I sat next to her one evening and watched as she breathed.  Her chest slowly rising and slowing falling.  Her eyes closed and her hands gently resting on her stomach.  Her feet were covered in fleece footies..her favorite.  Her skin burnished with lotion.  I just watched her.  I thought if I sat there long enough, looking at her, that maybe I can heal her.  Maybe all she needed was me.  Silly me for thinking such.  I don't have healing powers but, I thought to myself, how come the One who does have the power, isn't doing anything? Doesn't He see my family was in a season of sadness and mourning? DO SOMETHING. I yelled at God. I was mad at God.  I questioned..my God.

I took a deep breath and buried my face in my hands.  I sat indian style next to her.  I can hear the T.V in the living room and people shuffling around.  I smelt turkey in the oven.  I can hear my mom reading a recipe to my aunt as they took over the kitchen.  Her kitchen.  Where she would cook.  Where she would make beautiful tasty messes.  Where she would look at me from the stove and say "I love you sugar".  Her kitchen was the only place where I made the best rice crispy treats!!  Or maybe it was just her sweetness.  I lifted my head from my hands and rested them on hers.  She lifted on hand and laid it on top on mine.  She was awake all this time?  She saw me crying.  She heard my cries to God.  She felt my hands.  She knew.

That was the last time I went in that room.  Where someone beautiful laid quiet and content. Listening to the ones she loved miss her, cry for her, lingering around in hopes of a miracle.  I would pass by and peek in to get a glimps of her.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I was ready to go home.  The next morning I asked my mother if I could fly back to Texas.  I couln't be in this house anymore.  It wasn't the same without her walking around in her fancy shoes and painted toes.  Her spirit wasn't there anymore.  God was going to take her.... and we knew it.  We felt it.  We hated it. 

I flew home that next morning.  When I woke up I got dressed quickly and packed the last few of my things.  My dad helped my carry my suitcase to the car. I passed her room, dark and quiet.   I shut the door behind me.  I sat in the car looking at her house, her sweet house.  I pressed my hand against the window and swallowed my urge to cry.  Over the hill I went and I no longer could see her. Hear her.  Feel her. 

I.. her first granddaughter didn't say goodbye.

I looked up and saw the moon.  I saw stars still glistening.  I whispered to God " you can take her now". 

 I knew I was never going to see her again this life.  The plane ride back to Texas was long.  I flew high above the clouds.  I wanted to go higher, and higher into the heavens and wait for her.  I got home later that evening and sat on my couch.  A stillness came over me. I didn't know what to do from here.  I just left her.  In that dark room, where she will wake up not ever seeing my face again.  What was I thinking?

It was 3:20am when my phone rang.  I fumbled around for my phone in a daze.  My caller ID said "mom".  I knew.  She was gone.  Gone forever.  "He..he..hello?"...........  "mom?"......

I flew back to Alabama the next day.  Family I hadn't seen since I was 12 greeted me at the baggage claim.  I didn't want to see my mother.  I knew I would lose it.   I turned to hear my dads famous whistle which he would do to get my attention.  I turned to see him and my mother walking together.  My mom was pale.  I embraced her.  She cried on my shoulder.  I felt her body jolt from intense mourning. 

The funeral was the next day.  I had a lot of mental preparing to do.  The family gathered for dinner and we all hugged and talked about the good time we had with her.  We laughed and told stories of her.  We reminisced on the family vacations with her and how she taught me how to do a somersault in her pantyhose and long skirt. lol.  Goodness... she always made me smile.  She always brought laughter and love.  Her soul was on fire and she loved God. With all her heart.  Her heart.  Her... beautiful heart, which, no longer beat to the patterns of life.

We had a private funeral.  Just the family.  It rained a little.  The tears strolled down our sunglassed covered faces.  Our tissues were used and worn.  Our cheeks red from crying.  Our hair blown from the breeze that blew during her eulogy.  It was finished.  Her life was lived to the fullest.  Her love continues to spread like wildfire through memories.  Her heartbeat still plays over and over in my head.  I smell her sometimes.  In the winds that blow.  Except......... I never said goodbye.

Her name was Sandra Ann and she always had a drawer full of candy.  Whatever drawer she is reaching in now, must have something pretty sweet in it.

Grandma, send me a cupcake... from heaven :)